Meh.

Nearly 3 in the morning and I have almost no intention of falling asleep anytime soon, though I'm exhausted.

Just sinking into a deep, dark, hallow abyss; not sure when I'll find the motivation to snap the fuck out of it. Maybe later. Everything's maybe later. Homework? Maybe later. Dinner? Maybe later. Bed? Maybe later. Wake up? Maybe later. I went about a month without doing any laundry. I finally did it, but right now I'm just staring at the bin of clean, unfolded clothes, apathetically accepting the fact that, no, they will never get put away, and I can just rummage out of the hamper for a few weeks until I find it absolutely necessary to wash them again.

I tried writing tonight and all I ended up doing was figuring out a few songs on the piano. Which was actually not the worst thing; "Laughing With" by Regina Spektor. "I'll Catch You," and "Montana" by Rocky Votolato. "I'll Catch You" tears my insides up.

I have my senior guitar recital in two weeks.... HAA!!!! What a good joke to play on myself.

Yeaaah. Graduation can not come soon enough.

Dear Me, I would really enjoy for you to be over this little phase you're going through. Call me when you're ready to gtfu. Thnx. Lisa

Senioritis

Someone... anyone... please motivate me to get up off my ass and finish undergrad like a champ. Thanks.

In order to avoid annoying the crap out of Facebookers and Tweetsters by over-posting about wedding planning, I hath created a blog into which I can pour my excitement.

http://coffeeandmatrimony.blogspot.com/

Subscribe if you wish, ignore if you like :)

(P.S. I will still be updating this blog. No worries.)

Joe and Matrimony

I have a short paper due tomorrow on a topic I am yet undecided on, and therefore haven't started writing. So of course, I'm blogging.

A few updates of life (if you're at all interested):

One, I'm sipping about my 5th cup of coffee in a month. For no particular or intentional reason, I've been drinking a lot of green tea lately and haven't communed much with good ol' Joe as regularly as last semester. I must say, this cup is pretty muddy, and I think I needed it; not for the energy, but for my soul. Probably not unrelated to my random hankering to blog, either.

Secondly, I got my grades back from the last 20 credit semester... Eight A's and two B's. Woop woop! Getting ready to start an 18 credit semester next week, 7 credits in the Summer, and I am DONE! Take THAT, college! (We'll see if I feel this feisty at finals... better yet, mid terms.)

Third: I got a bread maker! (No real back story, I'm just stoked.)

Lastly, and certainly NOT least... I'm engaged! As of the day of my last post, actually... I won't get into all the juicy details here... you want 'em, you can ask. But I've been a woman on a mission to get the big bizznass out of the way before semester starts. Sooooo... in last week we booked the ceremony, booked the reception, picked out bridesmaids dresses, AND bought a dress... among planning other microdetails that we've yet to execute. This weekend we're finalizing the guest list. I have to say, I'm loving the planning process so far, and I'm looking forward to sharing this celebration with all our friends and family. I'm thinking about starting a little side blog on the wedding planning... I really want to avoid being that person; you know what I mean... that girl who only and always talks about her wedding. So I figure I can outlet it in a blog, and people can choose not to read it if they're uninterested.

Short and sweet tonight. I've gotta get back to Academia Land. Wish me luck.

(P.S. Check out Hawk in Paris. Listening to them currently on Spotify. Purr-ty catchy.)

Fun Fact #384

So, I go out into public from time to time. I know. I know. Shocking. As dangerous as this activity is, for certain, it's a kind of hobby of mine...

...Anywho, so, more occasionally than not, there's a situation I find myself in when I am out in a public place that I can't help but laugh at. I'm trying to formulate a way to explain it so it doesn't sound... creepy. But I'm having a brain fart, so I'll state it bluntly:

Little girls love me.

I'm serious. If I'm out somewhere, and there's a little girl, usually ages 2-7, that I've never seen in my life, 8 out of 10 times that little girl will end up next to me, playing hide-and-seek from behind a chair, or telling me all about her American Girl doll collection and pet lizards, as if she's known me all her little life. And I don't do anything to provoke it; no initiated conversation or bribery of tootsie pops. They just find me!... like a magnet. It's weird.

Have you ever seen The Santa Claus? Remember that scene when Tim Allen is at his son's soccer game and that little girl just determinatively marches over to him, sits down next to him, and keeps inching toward him, finally ending up on his lap as comfortable as can be, telling him what she wants for Christmas? Yeah. That's pretty much what happens to me, minus the whole Santa thing.

This is a very random thing to tell you all, I know. But I'm at the airport in St. Lou, and a little two year old girl wanders over to me and starts playing that cute little peak-a-boo game, where all you have to do is look at her and look away about twice and she's just giggling like crazy, and my heart starts melting all over the place. Not the first, nor last, time this will happen. I guarantee.

Anyway, enjoy that little awkward fun fact, bloggers. I'm gonna go fall asleep somewhere till my next flight.

Short, sweet, and a little bit lazy.

So, here it is, Christmas Eve 2011. And here I am, laying in bed past noon for the 3rd day in a row. It's wonderful.

This past semester was a success. 3.80 and I'm officially exhausted. Spring semester, here I come!

I've been doing a lot of nothing since I've been home for the holidays. My sister/bro-in-law and their twin baby girls are here visiting and it's been amazing spending time with them :) Those little girlies (they're one year old) are so bright and cute!

Being home with friends and family is refreshing, it really is, but I'm glad it's only for a short time and then I can leave again. This place is home in the sense that I grew up here and loved ones are here, but this is no longer where my soul fits. There's a fog over me when I'm here, I suppose. A good fog that makes you want to curl up with a cup of tea and read a book, but ends up keeping you inside much longer than you'd prefer (all metaphorically speaking if course. It's rather sunny outside right now).

I do love it here. But I look forward to getting back to the Mid West :)

Theology, food, and knots.

I am in the process of doing research for a theology paper that's due shortly. I haven't decided exactly on the thesis (hopefully that will flow naturally from my research), but I'm working toward formulating what I believe to be true about the nature of sin, the purpose of redemption, and the possibilities (or impossibilities) within sanctification. The broadness of these three ideas combined is somewhat overwhelming to me, but I'm finding it difficult to separate them. So, for now, it is what it is.

Ah, how I wish I could detach myself from this; that I could have chosen the topic of "infant baptism" and simply regurgitated some micro-wave easy, pre-formulated view that I purchased at Wal-Mart for $.89.

Directions :
1. Babies should be baptized.
2. This is why.
3. Add nip/tuck sources.

Let cool and serve.

But no. Instead, I thought it would be a good idea to pile up 6 large plates at the All-You-Can-Eat Theology Buffet so that I could get my money's worth, regardless of the consequences which, by the way, happen to involve me hugging a toilet at 2AM due to overeating and food poisoning...

...metaphorically speaking, of course.
(I'm not crazy, I've just been contemplating the meaning of life for 4 hours.)

Still, I prefer it this way. It's just that time constraints are... well... constraining. And for whatever reason, I've become so emotionally enthralled with my research topic that my spirit has reasoned and impassioned my stomach into a thousand tiny gut-wrenching knots; forcing me to quit for the evening.

I'm trying hard to stay open-minded and sensitive. I have become progressively aware that truth is not determined by what I feel about it (though the soul's responses can certainly be indicators in sniffing it out). If something is, in fact, truth, I must follow it, regardless of how nicely it sits with me. But because that is the case, I am determined to be all too particular concerning what I choose to believe, if I am to be devoted to it.

I digress. Good night, dear bloggers (whoever you are).
I leave you with a few fine knots to untangle yourselves :

"And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments."
1 John 2:3

"For if the inheritance is based on the law, it is no longer based on a promise."
Galatians 3:19

Via Cellular Device

So, mainly I'm just testing out my Blogger app on my iPhone. I remember checking for this app a few months ago and not finding it... so I'm pretty stoked to have it.

In other news, Spanksgiving Break shall be upon us shortly, and my big plans involve getting started on a paper for Theology... Not really sure exactly what the research will be on. Something along the lines of assessing the personality of Jesus. It sounds super stiff when I put it that way, but, really, what I would love to do, as far as "research" is concerned, is sit down with Jesus and share a bottle of wine; just have a conversation with the guy... "So, Jes, what did You REALLY mean when You said that? Did you ever intend for Your people to do this, that, or the other? What do we actually have right? What about You did we get wrong?"

"Well, Lis, you see... (*insert Truth here*)."

But I don't know if that would count in a Lorenz class as a "scholarly source." ;)

Well, then... to the library!

Blogging Equals Irresponsibility

It stormed today. It was wonderful.

As I stood at the window watching the rain, sipping some coffee, I had the strongest desire to step outside, sit down on the street curb, and allow myself to be immersed in the cold downpour. Alas, I had to go to class, otherwise I guarantee you that I would have.

I recognize this to be a completely typical scenario in the current chapter of the Book of Lisa. Everything must wait; everything; from sitting in the rain, to finding time to call my own mother (which I could actually probably be doing instead of blogging). I pondered this as I ripped myself away from the lovely scene outside and wandered back to the classroom.

Don't get me wrong. I'm actually obsessively addicted to school (as you may or may not have gathered from recent posts). I get a disturbing high off of going, going, going, stressing myself out, working my toosh off, and seeing the fruit of it. And I love learning. Love, love, love learning! I've found a new and surprising interest in music theory and music history. And what's absolutely insane is that I am seriously considering getting a 2nd bachelor's, and continuing to graduate and doctorate work! And what's even more, I want to teach music history in college! (She proclaimed through deranged, hysterical laughter). Some one, please sedate me.

Despite my true love for it, school is rough, because it demands all of my attention. I can't compartmentalize my college career. It's there, looming, always; filtering into every nook and cranny. Anything that's not fulfilling an educational obligation comes second, and if I don't have time to gather my entrails, then I simply don't have time, and instead I have to press on across the battlefield, with or without all my limbs intact.

The fact of the matter is, I enjoy what I'm doing, but I need a recharge. I need to get out of this town for a day or two; drive for a few hours, find a new coffee shop, a change of atmosphere, and gather myself.

Anyone up for a road trip?

The Little Collegiate Acorn Who Surrendered and Drank Lots of Coffee with Hobbits to Grow a Forest of Apple Trees, or Something Along Those Lines.

Okay, now that I've caught my breath for a moment, here's the situation:

I'm on a mission. A mission to get my bachelor's and get the hell out of Kansas. 

So, I'm cramming credits this semester to graduate in May (buh-bye, adios, see ya!), only to discover that I've overlooked quite a few electives, and instead of breezing my way through Spring and being done with it, like I'd anticipated, I've got to clutter it up with even more credits in order to walk on time, and then another 2 courses this summer to officially complete my B.S. It could definitely be way worse, but it's a disappointment regardless.

All to say, I was talking with a professor the other day about this slightly frustrating turn of events. He listened patiently as I expressed sentiments similar to my previous blog post (with less profanities... he is an Anglican priest and professor at a Christian college, after all), and then he shared with me some kind and helpful words.

"There's sacrifice... and then there's surrender," he explained.

He presented the idea that sacrifice poses a necessity. It demands action without option. When we sacrifice something, it is because we have to. There is no other choice. No other way out.

But when we surrender, we are under no obligation to do so. We have the option to go all in or quit, and when we surrender and "suck it up," so to speak, we do it because we have a belief that there is something greater on the other side of it.

"We never know what we can accomplish; how much potential we have," he continued. "Think of an acorn. Not only will it grow to become a tree, but that one acorn has the potential to produce an entire forest! It's like that saying... 'You can count the seeds in an apple, but you can never count the apples in a seed.'"

It brings me back to some advise my Dad gave me recently:

"Rule over chaos. 'Get up Trinity! Get up!' Stand up. Keep moving. Others need you. Remember the reason we wear a helmet and armor. Life's a war which is won by folks in those stories who press on because the have a growing awareness that 'there's good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fightin' for!'"

(Unrelated, sort of, he also added):

"And oh, yeah, force yourself to make and drink a very robust, manly cup of coffee. Sometimes drugs actually help. Legal drugs."

So, I keep going. I surrender, regardless of the emotional hissy-fit I've been throwing. And I hope that this hard work, this college "stuff," really is building toward something specific in my life; something more than a lousy "at-least-I-can-say-I-did-it."

I want to arrive at that "forest" and be able to say, "Ohhhh... so THIS is why I did it!..."

College is devouring my soul.

DISCLAIMER: The following consists of a big huge bundle of bitching.
Proceed at your own risk.

Is it just me, or do other students also feel that college life just loves behaving like a greased pig?

WHAT in the world am I doing here? Okay, so, I BUST my ass (49 credits in 2 and a half semesters, you bet I am!) just so in May I can walk down the isle in a cute little cap and gown, so they'll hand me a little, black, cushiony folder... that's EMPTY (because I'll still be in the process of receiving the last 7 of those 49)... and when I FINALLY earn each and every damned, worthless, asinine credit in August, they'll mail me that somewhat-thicker-than-computer-paper piece of paper, stating that I'm capable of sitting still for a few hours and that I know how to waste money.

...And do you want to know what I'll do with it?

Nothing! NOOOTHINNGGG!!!!!

I would really really really really really like to just throw my hands up and say "f-ck it."

Happy Registration Day. Enjoy the movie clip...

A Product of Theology Homework

One cold Winter's day, Grandma, after taking note that two of her grandsons, Vinny and Wes, had been wandering around in the snow (chilling to the bone), she decided to make a scarf for each of them to keep them warm. She took the warmest, most spectacular grey yarn, and crocheted the finest pair of scarves any grandson could have.

Grandma beamed as she handed her boys her handmade gift, glad to give them something to keep them cozy in the freezing wind.

"Look at these beautiful black scarves!" proclaimed Vinny

"They aren't black..." corrected Wes, "...they're white."

Vinny and Wes went back and forth for some time, arguing over whether the grey scarves were black or white. They beckoned their friends and passed around the scarves, inquiring and persuading to reach the bottom line. They're friends, picking sides, continued inquiring and persuading just as passionately, each passing the scarves to the next curious friend.

"The scarves are black!"

"The scarves are white!"

All the while, Grandma sat and swayed in her wooden rocking chair, melancholy, wishing only that her sweet grandsons would take their warm, grey scarves and wrap them 'round their chilling necks.

God is in my coffee.

Lately, I've been attempting to form a spiritual perspective with what I accept rather than with what I reject. I realize what I hypocrite I am to say that my connection with God through admiring nature is sufficient divine conversation, while some one else's Sunday morning service is not. Yeah, it's not really my cup of coffee, but we all have different palates.

It's like a painter at the easel, or a baker and her cupcakes; like the writer of a novel, or even the three-year-old and her play-dough village. In all these "products" there are signs and reflections of the producer and their personality. The artists style, the baker's taste, the author's vocabulary, the three-year-olds imagination. You see where I'm going with this... If God is the creator of all things, then why do we dismiss the possibility of understanding Him more through, well... all things? And if each of us possess different passions, different perspectives, different interests, then how can we misunderstand how the musician is more inclined to hear Him in music, the church-goer more apt to witness Him in a sanctuary, or the doctor more prone to find Him in the intricacies of the human body?

So, let's be real here. No, seriously. Let's shed all of our labels, reputations, prejudices, yada yada, and let's be real people. Bona fide, snot-nosed, everybody-poops, hurting, lying, crying, we're-all-dying type of REAL people...

The manifestation of God IS in all things. All things. I don't mean the interpretation of truth, but rather the realization of it. Not "what's right for me is right for me, and what's right for you is right for you," regardless of contradiction. No. I mean truth and God are revealed in all things, good, bad, beautiful, and ugly, and the places that I find Him are no better than the places that you find Him. So, why not be excited to share with one another the ways that we've come to know Him, and eager to learn from others without bias?

All to say, though we should always approach ideas and theories with discernment and precaution of delusions, let's be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater :)

"Two of a trade never agree."

"Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense...

The more pride one has, the more one dislikes pride in others... The point is that each person's pride is in competition with ever one else's pride... Two of a trade never agree... It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest... A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you...

We must not think pride is something God forbids because He is offended at it, or that Humility is something He demands as due to His own dignity - as if God Himself was proud. He is not in the least worried about His dignity. The point is, He wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself. And He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him, you will, in fact be humble - delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life."

-C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity

Knock, knock.

A few weeks ago, a big ol' tree branch fell on Noffy's neighbor's wooden shed. They've since been fixing it, and as they were, I spotted one of the old wooden doors in the trash and begged Noffy to ask his neighbor if we could have it! "Why?" You might ask (if you're anything like Noffy). Well... to make a jewelry board, of course!

My prize :)

Noffy helped me (or rather, I helped him) cut it, about 2x3. I wanted to make sure to keep the handle on it so it still looked like part of a door. There's about half of it left over, so I've been brainstorming what to do with the extra pieces.

What a guy; helping me with my little projects :)

Screwing in the hooks.

The finished product. We had to hang it a bit off-center due to the framing in the wall, but no worries. I still love it! We bolted a wire to the back and hung it by two nails.

The door was free, and the hooks were only $2.50 for a pack. Plus only about an hour of our time, and I'd say it ain't so bad a deal! Now what to do with those extra door pieces... a bracelet board, maybe? Hmm...