Theology, food, and knots.

I am in the process of doing research for a theology paper that's due shortly. I haven't decided exactly on the thesis (hopefully that will flow naturally from my research), but I'm working toward formulating what I believe to be true about the nature of sin, the purpose of redemption, and the possibilities (or impossibilities) within sanctification. The broadness of these three ideas combined is somewhat overwhelming to me, but I'm finding it difficult to separate them. So, for now, it is what it is.

Ah, how I wish I could detach myself from this; that I could have chosen the topic of "infant baptism" and simply regurgitated some micro-wave easy, pre-formulated view that I purchased at Wal-Mart for $.89.

Directions :
1. Babies should be baptized.
2. This is why.
3. Add nip/tuck sources.

Let cool and serve.

But no. Instead, I thought it would be a good idea to pile up 6 large plates at the All-You-Can-Eat Theology Buffet so that I could get my money's worth, regardless of the consequences which, by the way, happen to involve me hugging a toilet at 2AM due to overeating and food poisoning...

...metaphorically speaking, of course.
(I'm not crazy, I've just been contemplating the meaning of life for 4 hours.)

Still, I prefer it this way. It's just that time constraints are... well... constraining. And for whatever reason, I've become so emotionally enthralled with my research topic that my spirit has reasoned and impassioned my stomach into a thousand tiny gut-wrenching knots; forcing me to quit for the evening.

I'm trying hard to stay open-minded and sensitive. I have become progressively aware that truth is not determined by what I feel about it (though the soul's responses can certainly be indicators in sniffing it out). If something is, in fact, truth, I must follow it, regardless of how nicely it sits with me. But because that is the case, I am determined to be all too particular concerning what I choose to believe, if I am to be devoted to it.

I digress. Good night, dear bloggers (whoever you are).
I leave you with a few fine knots to untangle yourselves :

"And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments."
1 John 2:3

"For if the inheritance is based on the law, it is no longer based on a promise."
Galatians 3:19

Via Cellular Device

So, mainly I'm just testing out my Blogger app on my iPhone. I remember checking for this app a few months ago and not finding it... so I'm pretty stoked to have it.

In other news, Spanksgiving Break shall be upon us shortly, and my big plans involve getting started on a paper for Theology... Not really sure exactly what the research will be on. Something along the lines of assessing the personality of Jesus. It sounds super stiff when I put it that way, but, really, what I would love to do, as far as "research" is concerned, is sit down with Jesus and share a bottle of wine; just have a conversation with the guy... "So, Jes, what did You REALLY mean when You said that? Did you ever intend for Your people to do this, that, or the other? What do we actually have right? What about You did we get wrong?"

"Well, Lis, you see... (*insert Truth here*)."

But I don't know if that would count in a Lorenz class as a "scholarly source." ;)

Well, then... to the library!

Blogging Equals Irresponsibility

It stormed today. It was wonderful.

As I stood at the window watching the rain, sipping some coffee, I had the strongest desire to step outside, sit down on the street curb, and allow myself to be immersed in the cold downpour. Alas, I had to go to class, otherwise I guarantee you that I would have.

I recognize this to be a completely typical scenario in the current chapter of the Book of Lisa. Everything must wait; everything; from sitting in the rain, to finding time to call my own mother (which I could actually probably be doing instead of blogging). I pondered this as I ripped myself away from the lovely scene outside and wandered back to the classroom.

Don't get me wrong. I'm actually obsessively addicted to school (as you may or may not have gathered from recent posts). I get a disturbing high off of going, going, going, stressing myself out, working my toosh off, and seeing the fruit of it. And I love learning. Love, love, love learning! I've found a new and surprising interest in music theory and music history. And what's absolutely insane is that I am seriously considering getting a 2nd bachelor's, and continuing to graduate and doctorate work! And what's even more, I want to teach music history in college! (She proclaimed through deranged, hysterical laughter). Some one, please sedate me.

Despite my true love for it, school is rough, because it demands all of my attention. I can't compartmentalize my college career. It's there, looming, always; filtering into every nook and cranny. Anything that's not fulfilling an educational obligation comes second, and if I don't have time to gather my entrails, then I simply don't have time, and instead I have to press on across the battlefield, with or without all my limbs intact.

The fact of the matter is, I enjoy what I'm doing, but I need a recharge. I need to get out of this town for a day or two; drive for a few hours, find a new coffee shop, a change of atmosphere, and gather myself.

Anyone up for a road trip?

The Little Collegiate Acorn Who Surrendered and Drank Lots of Coffee with Hobbits to Grow a Forest of Apple Trees, or Something Along Those Lines.

Okay, now that I've caught my breath for a moment, here's the situation:

I'm on a mission. A mission to get my bachelor's and get the hell out of Kansas. 

So, I'm cramming credits this semester to graduate in May (buh-bye, adios, see ya!), only to discover that I've overlooked quite a few electives, and instead of breezing my way through Spring and being done with it, like I'd anticipated, I've got to clutter it up with even more credits in order to walk on time, and then another 2 courses this summer to officially complete my B.S. It could definitely be way worse, but it's a disappointment regardless.

All to say, I was talking with a professor the other day about this slightly frustrating turn of events. He listened patiently as I expressed sentiments similar to my previous blog post (with less profanities... he is an Anglican priest and professor at a Christian college, after all), and then he shared with me some kind and helpful words.

"There's sacrifice... and then there's surrender," he explained.

He presented the idea that sacrifice poses a necessity. It demands action without option. When we sacrifice something, it is because we have to. There is no other choice. No other way out.

But when we surrender, we are under no obligation to do so. We have the option to go all in or quit, and when we surrender and "suck it up," so to speak, we do it because we have a belief that there is something greater on the other side of it.

"We never know what we can accomplish; how much potential we have," he continued. "Think of an acorn. Not only will it grow to become a tree, but that one acorn has the potential to produce an entire forest! It's like that saying... 'You can count the seeds in an apple, but you can never count the apples in a seed.'"

It brings me back to some advise my Dad gave me recently:

"Rule over chaos. 'Get up Trinity! Get up!' Stand up. Keep moving. Others need you. Remember the reason we wear a helmet and armor. Life's a war which is won by folks in those stories who press on because the have a growing awareness that 'there's good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fightin' for!'"

(Unrelated, sort of, he also added):

"And oh, yeah, force yourself to make and drink a very robust, manly cup of coffee. Sometimes drugs actually help. Legal drugs."

So, I keep going. I surrender, regardless of the emotional hissy-fit I've been throwing. And I hope that this hard work, this college "stuff," really is building toward something specific in my life; something more than a lousy "at-least-I-can-say-I-did-it."

I want to arrive at that "forest" and be able to say, "Ohhhh... so THIS is why I did it!..."

College is devouring my soul.

DISCLAIMER: The following consists of a big huge bundle of bitching.
Proceed at your own risk.

Is it just me, or do other students also feel that college life just loves behaving like a greased pig?

WHAT in the world am I doing here? Okay, so, I BUST my ass (49 credits in 2 and a half semesters, you bet I am!) just so in May I can walk down the isle in a cute little cap and gown, so they'll hand me a little, black, cushiony folder... that's EMPTY (because I'll still be in the process of receiving the last 7 of those 49)... and when I FINALLY earn each and every damned, worthless, asinine credit in August, they'll mail me that somewhat-thicker-than-computer-paper piece of paper, stating that I'm capable of sitting still for a few hours and that I know how to waste money.

...And do you want to know what I'll do with it?

Nothing! NOOOTHINNGGG!!!!!

I would really really really really really like to just throw my hands up and say "f-ck it."

Happy Registration Day. Enjoy the movie clip...